QUOTE OF THE DAY ========================= "To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States." - PRESIDENT BUSH, to Yale's graduates. *************** Hard work will pay off later. Laziness pays off now! (Unknown) **************** He's always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, he'd eat his M&M's one by one with a glass of water. ************** From CNN, 5/17/2001 CLIFTON PARK, New York (AP) -- An upstate New York turkey hunter is receiving rabies shots after he was attacked by coyotes. A wildlife expert says the coyotes may have mistaken the hunter for a turkey. The man was hunting in an Albany suburb Friday when he was surprised by two coyotes. He killed one of them but the other got away after biting him. A state wildlife pathologist says the coyotes probably were looking for food for their pups, and didn't expect to find a human. The man was camouflaged and calling turkey. The wildlife official says coyotes normally avoid human contact and probably were just as surprised as the hunter. He also says coyotes rarely contract rabies, but the man was being given shots as a precaution. ***************** The Word of the Day for May 6 is: disremember \dis-rih-MEM-ber\ (verb) : forget Example sentence: "Now I come to think of it, one of those Massachusetts fellers -- I disremember his name -- was from Milton, same as you." (Kenneth Roberts, _Oliver Wiswell_, 1940) Did you know? English has been depending upon the word "forget" since before the 12th century, but in 1815 a new rival for it appeared in print -- "disremember." A critic in 1869 called "disremember" both "obsolete" and "a low vulgarism," and later grammarians have agreed; it has been labeled "provincial and archaic" and "dialectal," and in 1970 Harry Shaw opined that "disremember" was "an illiteracy," adding, "never use this word in standard English." (By 1975, Shaw amended his opinion to "this word is dialectal rather than illiterate.") As it happens, "forget" is indeed the vastly more popular word, but "disremember" still turns up occasionally, often in dialectal or humorous contexts. **************** A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. (Spike Milligan) ***** Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies: ** Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. *************** laughter club, noun A group of people who meet regularly to laugh, often for therapeutic reasons. "After doing hundreds of humor workshops, [Steve Wilson] traveled to India last year and met Dr. Madan Kataria, a Bombay physician and yoga enthusiast. Kataria urges his patients to laugh 10 minutes a day and has founded more than 300 'laughter clubs' across his country that bring people together to cackle, stretch and meditate." —Steve Wilson, "Take It From My Namesake, Laughter's a Good Thing," The Arizona Republic, June 30, 1999 *************** New Product Announcement Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK. It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disk. Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "Browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval. An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session -- even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language stylus [PENCIL]. ********* war driving, noun A computer cracking technique that involves driving through a neighborhood with a wireless-enabled notebook computer and mapping houses and businesses that have wireless access points. "Wireless technology sets data free from the physical confines of wire -- which also means that controlling who receives the data is problematic. Peter Shipley, the director of labs at OneSecure, told me about his new hobby of driving around Silicon Valley and picking up networks on his laptop. War driving is replacing war dialing in the wireless age." Carole Fennelly, Unix Insider, December 2000 Posted on May 9, 2001 ********** You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. (Yogi Berra) ******************* The Word of the Day for May 2 is: longueur \long-GUR\ (noun) : a dull and tedious passage or section (as of a book) Example sentence: Despite its occasional longueurs and digressions, the novel is essentially well-developed and insightful. Did you know? You've probably come across long, tedious passages in books before, but perhaps you didn't know there was a word for them. English speakers began using the French borrowing "longueurs" in the late 18th century, starting with English writer Horace Walpole, who wrote in a letter, "Boswell's book is gossiping; . . . but there are woful longueurs, both about his hero and himself." In French, "longueurs" are tedious passages, and "longueur" literally means "length." "Longueur" is usually found in its plural form, and it isn't applied only to passages in books. Long and drawn-out portions of plays, operas, and films are also called "longueurs." ********************** The following is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush. The quotes have been arranged for aesthetic reasons only by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. MAKE THE PIE HIGHER by George W. Bush I think we all agree, the past is over. This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses. Rarely is the question asked Is our children learning? Will the highways of the internet become more few? How many hands have I shaked? They misunderestimate me. I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity. I know that the human being and the fish can coexist. Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream. Put food on your family! Knock down the tollbooth! Vulcanize Society! Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher! ************ Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31 ************** The Word of the Day for April 25 is: dorsal \DOR-sul\ (adjective) : relating to or situated near or on the back especially of an animal or of one of its parts Example sentence: "I might have identified the bird as a yellow-throated vireo if I'd had more than a dorsal view," explained Roger. Did you know? The most famous use of "dorsal" is with "fin," whether it conjures the ominous dorsal fin of sharks or the benign, even benevolent, image of whales and dolphins. Less well-known is the botanical sense of "dorsal," meaning "facing away from the stem" (thus the underside of a leaf can be the dorsal side), or the linguistic sense referring to articulations made with the back part of the tongue (\k\ and \g\, for example). "Dorsal" can be used of non-living things too (in particular, the backs of airplanes), as can its opposite, "ventral," which means "relating to the belly." "Dorsal" descends from Latin "dorsum" ("back"), which also gave us "dossier" (via French, for a bundle of documents labeled on the back) and "endorse" ("to write on the back of"). ---------------- ************ "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei ****************** one-banana problem, noun A problem that is relatively simple to fix. "Sounds like a one-banana problem, so I'll send up the new guy." Posted on September 11, 1997 Backgrounder: This phrase is used by elitist programmers and engineers who look down upon workers in lower levels, such as system operators and trainees, and claim that a trained monkey could do their jobs. Trained monkeys (and so, metaphorically, these lower level workers) get a certain number of bananas as a reward for performing certain tasks: one banana for simple tasks, two bananas for more complex tasks, and so on. ******************* Subject: DWI From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from NW Wisconsin. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.  Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.  After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.  He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.  He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me To the police station this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." ********************** He trusted neither of them as far as he could spit, and he was a poor spitter, lacking both distance and control. -P.G. Wodehouse ****************************** Love your neighbour like you love yourself - the rest is commentary: go and study. (Hillel, talmudic scholar, I century *************** The Word of the Day for December 31 1998 is: cosmic year \KAHZ-mik YEER\ (noun) : the estimated time required for a star at the sun's distance from the center of the Milky Way galaxy to make one trip around it in a circular orbit, about 200 million years Example sentence: One cosmic year ago, during the early Jurassic period, the supercontinent of Pangaea was breaking apart and the early dinosaurs roamed the land. Did you know? Compared to a cosmic year, a millennium is just a fleeting moment; after all, there are 200,000 earth millennia in a single cosmic year. But although a cosmic year is a long time by earth reckoning, in terms of the overall age of the universe--15 billion years--a cosmic year itself is but a fraction of time. (The entire history of the earth has passed in just about 22.5 cosmic years.) The length of a cosmic year and the age of the universe span times so enormous that astronomers have sought ways to make them more comprehensible to people, and in doing so have created a new meaning of "cosmic year" that has gained popularity since the late Carl Sagan featured it on his 1980s television series, _Cosmos_. In this new type of cosmic year, the entire history of the universe is compressed into a single 12-month calendar year. *************** anticlueful, adjective Used to describe a person who is not only clueless about something, but who also refuses to do anything about his cluelessness. Posted on August 28, 1996 --** Hanlon's Razor, proverb A principle, used most often in computing circles, that says "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." Posted on April 7, 1997 Backgrounder: Hanlon's Razor is derived from the famous Occam's Razor, which is the principle of reducing assumptions to their absolute minimum (c.f. Einstein: "Things should be a simple as possible, but no simpler"). *************** The Word of the Day for April 13 is: gruntle \GRUN-tul\ (verb) : to put in a good humor Example sentence: Management attempted to gruntle the workers with extra benefits to make up for the overtime. Did you know? "Gruntle" is the result of a mistaken assumption about the verb "disgruntle," which means "to make ill-humored or discontented." The prefix "dis-" often means "to do the opposite of," so people naturally assumed that in order to have a "disgruntle" there must be a "gruntle" with exactly the opposite meaning. But actually, "dis-" doesn't always work that way -- in some rare cases it functions instead as an intensifier. "Disgruntle" developed from this intensifying sense of "dis-" plus "gruntle," an old word meaning "to grumble." "Gruntle" began to mean "to make happy" only in the 1920s, when it was assumed to be the antonym of "disgruntle." By contrast, "disgruntle" has been around since 1682, and the original grumbling "gruntle" dates back to 1589. **************** The Word of the Day for April 12 is: Augean stable \aw-JEE-un-STAY-bul\ (noun) : a condition or place marked by great accumulation of filth or corruption Example sentence: The young candidate promised that, if elected, he would sweep out the Augean stable that the town's government had become under the incumbent mayor. Did you know? "Augean stable" most often appears in the phrase "clean the Augean stable," which usually means "clear away corruption" or "perform a large and unpleasant task that has long called for attention." Augeas, the mythical king of Elis, kept great stables that held 3,000 oxen and had not been cleaned for thirty years -- until Hercules was assigned the job. Hercules accomplished this task by causing two rivers to run through the stables. The word "Augean" is sometimes used by itself, too -- it has come to mean "extremely difficult and usually distasteful." We can refer to "Augean tasks," "Augean labor," or even "Augean clutter." ************ TODAY'S HEADLINES The New York Times on the Web Monday, April 9, 2001 ------------------------------------------------------------ For news updated throughout the day, visit www.nytimes.com QUOTE OF THE DAY ========================= "He's not like anyone we've seen before in the game." - MARK CALCAVECCHIA, on Tiger Woods. *************** The Word of the Day for April 8 is: links \LINKS\ (noun plural) 1 Scottish : sand hills especially along the seashore *2 : golf course Example sentence: "I'm ready to hit the links," said Julie, hoisting her new golf bag onto her shoulder. Did you know? The game of golf originated on the sandy hills of Scotland, on a type of terrain known as "links" or "linksland." Eventually, the game's layout came to be called by the same name as the land, and "links" developed the meaning of "a golf course built on the coastline," which eventually broadened to include any golf course. "Links" is ultimately derived from the Old English word "hlincas" (the plural of "hlinc," "ridge"); recorded evidence of "hlinces" (a variant of "hlincas") goes back as far as 931, but "links" began appearing in English only in the 15th century. Britain has a number of old-fashioned "links" courses (built to resemble the Scottish landscape and located on the coastline), and there are a few in the United States as well. ************** Market-Leninism, noun An economic system that combines aspects of both capitalism and communism. "Consider a country like China, which has made a transition from Marxism-Leninism to what an observer brilliantly called Market-Leninism." —Asad Latif, "History's death may be slightly exaggerated," The Straits Times, August 18, 2000 Posted on March 16, 2001 Backgrounder: When I was trying to track down the earliest use of today's term (spied, with thanks, by subscriber Howard Scott), I came across the following clue: "The decade since Tiananmen has seen a new synthesis. Using a term that harks back to the beginning of the Deng era, the regime calls it 'socialism with Chinese characteristics.' Nicholas Kristof, former New York Times correspondent in China, called it 'market Leninism.'" —Harvey Feldman, "China's Abstract Democracy," World and I, July 1, 2000 It seemed possible that Kristof was the coiner of the phrase. So, turning to The New York Times, I finally found the following: "Pioneered in the 1960's and 1970's by South Korea and Taiwan, this East Asian model combines harsh single-party rule with competition in the marketplace. ... After Deng Xiaoping, China's current paramount leader, was purged in 1976, the People's Daily quoted Mao Zedong as saying that Mr. Deng 'knows nothing of Marxism-Leninism.' Mao may have been half-right, for the 89-year-old Mr. Deng has even advised visitors from developing countries not to bother with Marxism. At the same time, Mr. Deng and other Chinese leaders retain a fondness for Leninism, in the sense of highly disciplined one-party rule with centralized decision-making. Their aim, in other words, is Market-Leninism." —Nicholas D. Kristof, "China Sees 'Market-Leninism' as Way to Future," The New York Times, September 6, 1993 I can find no earlier citations for Market-Leninism, so I'm tentatively calling Mr. Kristof the neologist. (I made the above citation a bit longer than usual to give you a feel for the linguistic path he seems to have taken to forge the phrase.) ************************ Technicians begin offloading Discovery's residual hypergols tomorrow morning. 4/3/2001 ************************ cajole \kuh-JOHL\ (verb) *1 : to persuade with flattery or gentle urging especially in the face of reluctance : coax 2 : to deceive with soothing words or false promises Example sentence: Peter's friends cajoled him into accompanying them to the party, insisting that it wouldn't be any fun without him. Did you know? You might not think to associate "cajole" with "cage," but it's likely that these two words are connected. Apparently, associations have been made between the insistent prattle of a caged bird and the persistent wheedling of a person attempting to get something out of someone else. "Cajole" comes from a French verb, "cajoler," and though "cajoler" now means "coax," in the past it could mean "to chatter like a jay." Some etymologists theorize that "cajoler" is from "gaiole," an Old North French word meaning "birdcage." "Gaiole" itself is from a Late Latin word, "caveola," which means "little cage." And "caveola" is the diminutive of the Latin word "cavea" ("cage, cavity"), which is the origin of our word "cage." Our "cave" is also a relative. ***************** If Rainbows Were Really Elephants If I were a miracle worker This is what I'd do: I'd destroy the evil lurker And bring on the morning dew. If I could make things happen This is what I'd cause: I'd bring the truth to the open And have the hasty pause. If I were the voice of God This is what I'd say: "Spare the child and spoil the rod For this is the holy way". Tim McLain Villa Park, 1978 **************** Today's word is platen. (PLA-t’n) a like in at alternate: platten A platen can be a flat plate that receives pressure, as in a printing press. It is also the roller on a typewriter. Example: Typewriter platens are rapidly becoming obsolete in the computer age! French: platine from plat: flat Middle French: plateine --------------------------------------------------------------------- Sources: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Ed. An Etymological Dictionary of Modern English, Vol. II (E. Weekley) ************** bar-code hairstyle, noun A style in which a man's last few strands of hair are combed across the top of his head, thus resembling a bar-code pattern. "Bar-code hairstyle (baakado haasutyru): A term used by Japanese university students to describe male professors with thinning hair who comb what few tresses they have left over their bald spots." --Michael Kesterton, "Social Studies," The Globe and Mail ******************** It was a real man world. Then Eve arrived. (Richard Armour) ******************* Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you so much for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remain him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. !. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day &age, what would be a fair market price for her? 3. I know I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may own slaves, both male & female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims this applies to Mexicans but not Canadian. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree, can you settle this? 7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair ar4ound their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton & polyester bland). He tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev 20:14)? I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's work is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, A ******************** Inner Peace My therapist told me that one of the ways in which I could contribute to my own inner peace was just to finish what I start. So far today I have finished two bags of potato chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. :) ********** I realized I was getting old when, at my birthday, all the guests started warming their hands around the cake. (George Burns) *********** sewist, noun A person who sews. "I understand how teens like to shop and try on clothes, so maybe you won't be able to make all, or even most of their clothes, but after looking through the pattern catalogs, ready-to-wear styles are available to the home sewist that will please a teen-ager." --Sandra Millett, "It's much easier to sew than shop for teen-ager," The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, March 12, 2000 Posted on April 4, 2001 Backgrounder: Today's word is a gender-neutral replacement for the older term "seamstress": "[Henry Jones was] an avid hunter who'd become an old hand at reupholstering Jeep seats and making sportsman's clothes for his field forays in pursuit of wildlife, he diversified his business interests by adding fabric to his shelves of staple goods. 'I wasn't a seamstress, obviously, and I sure didn't want to be called a sewer, because that looked too much like something else,' he recalled. 'Of course, we have to be so politically correct nowadays that the accepted term has become 'sewist.'" --Van Henderson, "Electrons and Stitches," Chattanooga Free Press, April 26, 1998 ************ All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. (Ambrose Bierce) *********** The Word of the Day for April 6 is: pilgarlic \pil-GAR-lik\ (noun) 1 *a : a bald head b : a bald-headed man 2 : a man looked upon with humorous contempt or mock pity Example sentence: "An estimated 40 million American males boast the pilgarlic look, and nobody knows how many pretenders have discovered that bald is beautiful." (Dennis Wagner, _The Phoenix Gazette_, May 29, 1993) Did you know? Tastes change. If baldness has gained acceptance and even admiration, so too has garlic become a roundly popular culinary addition. We no longer equate baldness with negative personality traits, or speak contemptuously of "garlic-eaters." But after someone in the 16th century first likened a bald head to peeled garlic, "pilgarlic" was used (rather baldly, one might say) in uncomplimentary ways -- "poor pilgarlic" was a phrase often employed. "Pil" was short for "pilled," which was (and still is) British dialect for "peeled." If the term "pilgarlic" is used derisively now, it doesn't necessarily refer to a bald person. In fact, in more recent times, perhaps the "pil" reminds some of "pill," a word for someone who is disagreeable or tiresome. *Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence. **************** April 5, 2001 Top Ten Signs Dan Rather Doesn't Give A Damn Anymore 10. He changed his name to D. Riddy 9. Coming back from commercials, he's in no hurry to put away the Gameboy. 8. Refers to all foreign leaders as "Senor Slim". 7. Told viewers each time he says name "Kofi Annan" everyone does a shot. 6. Every night a story about Peter Jennings' alleged hooker addiction. 5. His "if Jack Nicholson did the news" was barely funny the first time. 4. During broadcast, answers his cell phone, "What up dog?" 3. Attended a recent fundraiser wearing a swan dress. 2. Throws a quarter at the camera and screams, "You want news? Buy a damn paper!" 1. Frequently says, "I'm Dan Rather and I'd rather be gettin' it on!" ************** "The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. --Linus Pauling ************** I found this on the web page of a graduate student at UofArizona: Department of Planetary Sciences Lunar and Planetary Laboratory Graduate Program Holiday Skits!! Nearly every winter, at the end of the semester, the Department of Planetary Sciences and the Lunar and Planetary Lab get together for a Holiday Party. The parties traditionally include a buffet dinner and homemade desserts; gag gifts inspired by happenings of the year; an appearance by Santa and his Elves; and various offerings of humor by the faculty, staff, and students. LPL Update: December 8, 1995 Chris: (in announcer's voice) And now, it's the LPL Update, with your LPL News Crew: anchors Barb Cohen and Jen Grier, sports with Doug Dawson, weather with the Weather Elf, and the LPL grad student correspondents. [Several items involving different members of faculty, staff and students] Then: Barb: It's time for this year's lottery draw! Kim: Welcome to this year's NASA Proposal Lottery, live from the NASA Selection Center in Washington! Just a refresher on the rules: If your proposal contains all six of this year's hot buzzwords, you're a winner! And don't throw that proposal away if you didn't win; there's some nice consolation prizes if you match only five. (Draw from fishbowl full of pingpong balls with various jargon written on them) This year's words are: fractal, resources, spectrophotometric, neural net, integrated, and space weathering. Ron: (jumps up and runs to front) I won! I won! My proposal is titled An integrated fractal neural net procedure for spectrophotometric identification of resources created by space weathering! Kim: Congratulations to all this year's winners! **************